11 Tell-tale Signs That You’re A Self-Inflicted Victim
by ALETHEIA LUNA / Loner Wolf
I pity myself too much. This was the revelation I reached recently on my trip abroad, a trip I had the privilege to spend a lot of the time in quiet, meditative solitude.
Let whatever comes come. Don't fight, don't struggle needlessly, and most of all, don't mope for god's sake.
Think You're Not? Well ... You Probably Are.
Find it hard to accept a situation or circumstance in your life? Mull and muse over your problems constantly? Feel gloomy and depressed because of what life has dealt you? Feel like a victim? Have an inexplicable craving for the sympathy and condolences of others? Yes, chances are that you're a self-pitying person.
Self-pity is basically exaggerated and self-indulgent pity over ones own life, position or circumstance. Most of us experience self-pity throughout our lifetimes, and although it can serve to be a self-soothing mechanism that assists us in later accepting or changing our circumstances, many times we make a nasty habit of it.
And when self-pity is made a habit of, it not only impedes the progress we make in life, but it creates self-destructive cycles of self-sabotage. Sol wrote an article on the psychology of why misery can make you happy, which you may like to check out later.
11 Signs That You Chronically Self-Pity
Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. ~ Helen Keller
So, are you a self-pitying person ... or rather, how much of a self-pitying person are you? Find out below.
#1 You find it hard to laugh at life and at yourself.
Taking yourself too seriously, and finding it difficult to laugh at your predicaments and defeats is a tell-tale sign of self-pity. Beware.
#2 You tend to crave for drama.
In truth, you're a little bit of a Drama Queen and tend to have a melodramatic streak to you. Usually this stems from extremist types of thinking (e.g. black-and-white, all-or-nothing mindsets).
#3 You tend to crave for sympathy.
Self-pity is so addictive because it gives us the momentary pleasure of being supported, cared for and emotionally pampered. This is a dangerous, highly maladaptive way of developing emotional bonds and connections with other people.
#4 You tend to be an individualist.
Self-pity is one of the most effective ways of keeping yourself separate and independent from the friends, family and people around you.
#5 You tend to be a past-orientated person.
Some people live in the present, others in the future, and still others in the past. Self-pity is inextricably linked to past-focused mindsets that dwell on past events.
#6 You have low self-esteem.
People with low self-esteem tend to crave the acceptance and affection of other people as a way of feeling better about themselves. The mask of self-pity that constantly promotes its tragic-life-story campaign is an excellent way of collecting flocks of unsuspecting supporters.
#7 You have a melancholic temperament. I've written about the melancholic, sanguine, choleric and phlegmatic temperaments before. The melancholic temperament in particular is given to bouts of brooding and deep introspection, which can serve as a perfect breeding ground for self-pity.
#8 Deep down, you don't believe you're worthy of love.
This stems from low self-esteem and creates a cycle of self-destructive behavior. Self-pity is one of the greatest tools for the self-destructive person. It creates self-fulfilling prophecies, and alienates all the people you love and admire from you.
#9 You have an unhealthy habit of being self-absorbed.
Quite simply, the more self-absorbed you are, the more likely you are to fall into the trap of self-pity.
#10 You have a strong fighting instinct.
This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you choose to use it for. When used in a negative sense, the fighting instinct is used to battle against life, to fight against the tide, and to fight against accepting reality.
#11 You subconsciously feel guilty.
Often times self-pity is an unconscious way of avoiding taking responsibility for personal actions or decisions made in the past. When we find it too difficult to accept the wrong that we've committed, sometimes we tend to hide from it by making ourselves the victims, rather than other people. In this case, self-pity is the perfect cowardly self-defense mechanism.
Feeling sorry for yourself is normal, and in some instance can serve as a natural stepping stone to developing acceptance of the difficulties and failures in your life. However, many of us make a habit out of self-pity, either to avoid taking personal responsibility, to avoid taking action, or simply to gain sickly and unhealthy forms of affection and attention from other people.
So next time someone asks you whether you want the waambulance, smile and say "yes please". It may help you to snap out of the poisonous and addictive drug of self-pity.
We would love to hear from you! Please comment below!
Aletheia Luna is the author of "Old Souls: The Sages and Mystics of Our World" and "Quiet Strength: Embracing, Empowering and Honoring Yourself as an Introvert" and is the cofounder, editor and author of popular self-discovery websiteLonerWolf.com As a transformational mentor and holistic writer, she has helped to guide thousands of people all throughout the world on their paths of self-acceptance and wholeness. You can follow her work and private updates onFacebook and Goodreads. Published with the author's explicit written permission.
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