Feeling Lonely In A Relationship Is The Result Of One Simple Problem
by Aletheia Luna
Or perhaps you feel lonely because you’re both so busy and barely have time for each other any more.
Or maybe you’ve just slowly lost touch with each other as the resentments and squabbles pile up between you.
But regardless of the reason, you simply feel UNSEEN by your partner.
If you’re feeling lonely in a relationship, you’re not alone. Every couple at some point experiences this problem. And what is the major cause of feeling lonely in a relationship?
HOW YOUR THOUGHTS INFLUENCE REALITY
We grew up being taught a number of harmful beliefs about romantic relationships. Namely:
In other words, we approach relationships with very warped thinking patterns that were conditioned into us since birth.
When it comes to feeling lonely in our relationship, we tend to blame that feeling on our partners — or the relationship itself — and what IS or IS NOT happening.
Take a moment to think about the reasons why you might be feeling lonely.
In fact, you might like to get up a blank document and divide the page in two. On one half write: “Things that are happening in my relationship that are making me feel lonely.” On the other half write: “Things that aren’t happening in my relationship that are making me feel lonely.”
Likely you will discover a number of interesting reasons why you’re feeling lonely in a relationship of yours. Often these reasons fall under the following categories:
All of these reasons for feeling lonely in a relationship seem to exclusively point to THE OTHER PERSON, and nothing to do with your own thinking.
In fact, when we are suffering, our thoughts are the last place we look.
HOW TO STOP FEELING LONELY IN A RELATIONSHIP … RIGHT NOW
The best way to stop feeling lonely in your relationship in the long term, is to examine your thoughts about it.
We tend to think that someone loving us will get rid of our loneliness. But this isn’t true.
How many times have you been surrounded by loving family or friends, but despite their love, still felt unhappy in some way? If being loved by others was truly what made you happy, you wouldn’t feel this way.
The same thing goes for your relationship.
How many times in the past has your partner treated you with love, kindness and concern, but you still felt miserable or discontented about something else in your life? If it was your partner’s love and attention you truly sought, you wouldn’t be unhappy in those moments.
So what is it that is truly making you feel lonely?
Belief in your thoughts.
When you believe the thoughts in your head about how your relationship “should” look or feel, you feel lonely.
Here’s an example.
Your partner is working on an important work assignment, while you stay at home all day looking after to kids. He often arrives back home late at night, and you barely spend time with each other. Soon you grow discontented because he isn’t giving you the same level of attention he once did. You think to yourself, “My husband should give me more attention and stop spending so much time at work.”
Because of that very belief: “My husband should give me more attention and stop spending so much time at work,” you start to feel unhappy and resentful towards him. You blame your loneliness on him.
However, what would happen if you didn’t have that thought? You would be fine. You wouldn’t have a problem with his long days at work. You wouldn’t feel resentful or unhappy.
This example shows that believing one simple thought can warp your entire world. This is why it’s so important that you EXAMINE your thoughts.
You can examine your thoughts by asking the following questions. These questions will only help you if you are honest with yourself:
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The reality is that life is completely neutral — but it is our THOUGHTS about life that make it either “good/bad,” “right/wrong,” “ugly/pretty,” “worthy/unworthy.” This can be hard to understand at first because we are so used to immediately believing our thoughts. But through self-inquiry, you can begin to lift the veil from reality little by little.
Your happiness is your responsibility, not your partners. But taking self-responsibility isn’t a passive process it is also an active one.
Here are some supplementary actions you can take to strengthen your connection:
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